We all encounter people with big personalities, high opinions of themselves, and strong desires to get their way. But narcissism runs deeper than that. A true narcissist isn’t just someone who likes the spotlight—they’ll drain your energy, make you doubt yourself, and leave you feeling like everything revolves around them. Whether it’s a boss, a friend, or even an acquaintance, recognizing these traits can help you keep your distance and protect your peace. Here’s how to spot the red flags:

‍

1. They Always Make It About Themselves—Even When It’s Not

Example: You’re sharing a story about a challenging project you’ve been working on, and somehow, they turn it into a story about themselves. Maybe they chime in with, “Oh, that reminds me of the time I…” or even interrupt to tell you about their own achievements, outshining your experience. In their eyes, they’re the star of every story—even yours.

Narcissists have a way of steering every conversation back to themselves, leaving you feeling like your experiences don’t matter. This isn’t just conversational dominance; it’s a pattern that shows up in all aspects of their relationships.

‍

2. They Play the Victim—Even When They’re in the Wrong

Example: After a heated disagreement, they say things like, “I guess I’m just the bad guy, huh?” or “I can’t believe you would think that of me.” Suddenly, you find yourself comforting them—even though you’re the one who was hurt. Narcissists are experts at flipping the script, so you’re left feeling like the guilty one.

This tactic makes it hard to address real issues because they’ll spin everything to make themselves appear innocent and misunderstood. If someone’s always twisting reality so they’re the victim, no matter what, that’s a big warning sign.

‍

3. They Give “Compliments” That Actually Hurt

Example: They might say, “You look great—for your age,” or “That outfit is so… brave.” These aren’t just awkward attempts at humor; they’re subtle digs disguised as compliments. Narcissists excel at backhanded compliments, and these remarks can leave you feeling more insecure than before.

If you often walk away from conversations with this person feeling criticized or unsure of yourself, it’s likely intentional. They want you to question your value, all while appearing friendly.

‍

4. They Can’t Handle Criticism—Even Constructive Feedback

Example: Imagine suggesting a small change on a group project, like “Maybe we could try a different approach?” They might respond defensively, saying, “Are you saying my way isn’t good enough?” or shut down completely, avoiding eye contact and sulking.

Narcissists perceive any form of feedback as an attack. They can’t acknowledge they might not be perfect, so they lash out or withdraw, making you feel like you’ve crossed a line for simply suggesting an idea.

‍

5. They Make You Question Your Reality (aka Gaslighting)

Example: You clearly remember making plans with them for a certain date, but when the day arrives, they insist you never set anything up. “I don’t know where you got that idea,” they say. Or maybe you confront them about something they did, and they respond with, “That never happened. You’re making things up.”

Gaslighting makes you question your memory, instincts, and even sanity. Narcissists often use it to keep control in a relationship, subtly training you to doubt yourself so they can always stay one step ahead.

‍

6. They Only Show Up When It Benefits Them

Example: They call you up out of the blue, asking for a favor they “really need,” and when you help, they vanish again until the next time they need something. If you ask for a small favor, they’re conveniently “too busy” or “dealing with a lot right now.”

For a narcissist, relationships are transactional. They don’t maintain friendships or connections out of genuine interest—they’re only around when it’s useful to them. A sure sign is if they go MIA until they need something.

‍

7. They Give with Strings Attached

Example: They might buy you lunch, but next time you have a disagreement, they bring it up with “I’ve done so much for you,” expecting loyalty or praise in return.

Narcissists view generosity as leverage, not kindness. Instead of genuine giving, they’ll use what they’ve done for you as a way to control or guilt-trip you. If someone always keeps a mental score, beware of their intentions.

‍

How to Protect Your Energy Around Narcissists

‍

If you’re recognizing these signs, remember that you have the power to set boundaries. It can be tempting to call them out or “fix” things, but narcissists rarely change. Instead, take care of yourself:

1. Stay Detached – Avoid sharing personal details they could later use against you. Keep conversations light or professional when possible.
2. Limit Your Reactions – Narcissists thrive on emotional responses. When they try to provoke you, practice staying calm. Respond with simple phrases like, “I see,” or “Interesting,” without getting pulled into drama.
3. Create Clear Boundaries – Politely refuse when you’re uncomfortable. If they keep pushing, remember, “No” is a full sentence.
4. Don’t Expect Change – Narcissists rarely see their flaws. Instead, focus on protecting your peace, even if that means putting distance between you and them

‍

How Kinship Can Support You

Navigating relationships with narcissists is draining, but with the right tools and community, you can learn to manage these interactions while protecting your energy. Kinship offers a safe space where you can process these experiences, connect with others who understand, and learn strategies to maintain boundaries. Through Kinship’s sessions, you’ll feel empowered to reclaim your power and prioritize your peace, because everyone deserves relationships that uplift—not exhaust—them.

Join us at Kinship.